Your children need you to give them a narrative at this time of family reorganization. The best narrative will be simple and streamlined, assuring them they have (and will continue to have!) the strong individual bonds with each parent and that their ‘family’ is not broken or undone- although maybe re-organized.

Children look to you, your words and your attitudes, to know if this time is stressful, complicated, tense, adversarial, in disarray – or – graceful, anchored in consideration, cooperative and potentially the start of some new peace and revitalization. With clarity of intention and communications tools, you can give them the best chance to feel confident in this family transition; this workbook provides both.

 When you and your co-parent deliver to your child(ren) a consistent message about what is happening and why, and gather as a team to address changes together, you offer your child a big gift. Your sturdy leadership while gifting them a concise assuring narrative, your attention to their self-determined needs, will put them at ease and allow them to move through this family transition feeling confident and cared for. When you assure them that they are heard and valued through this transition, that the bonds they have with each parent matter and that they are guided through it, you gift them resilience to move through even the rough aspects of this transition.

Loss of hopes and dreams, love turned sour, regrets and blame may indeed be in the parents’ experience to process, but the child(ren) are not players in those stories. They were not part of parents’ prior vows to each other, nor part of an adult intimacy or endeavor together. In their own story, they arrived seeking secure attachments and trustworthy nourishment. The children don’t have to feel a ‘split’ in the same fashion the adults might. They need vows from each parent reinforced now, and the HUB Huddle helps you do that. Even if family is stretched or segmented between homes or locations, their family can still feel whole for them.

Through your HUB Huddle Manual, you craft your unique “family folklore,” based in knowing yourself and knowing your kid(s)…nothing that an outsider, even an expert, could dictate for you. The tone of this transition and its narrative is yours to create for your children. Through crafting the story, you will bring them what you know is meaningful and assuring. With your implementation of your HUB Huddle, your child(ren) will gain an invaluable internalized sense of belonging, a secure basis to adopt changes with trust.

What is a HUB Huddle?

A family meeting – or “huddle”- you design, plan and implement together with the other parent, for the sake of your child(ren).

What are the elements of a HUB Huddle?

H = honor

U = understanding

B = bonding

How do you use this HUB Huddle manual?

Step by step, each page guides you through what to consider, offers you blank lines to fill-in as you generate your ideas, and will help you produce an outline for your HUB Huddle family meeting.

What does a HUB Huddle look like?

A family meeting, at a park, on the porch or in the living room, inclusive of the parents and child(ren) involved. Your HUB Huddle will feel casual, while also focused and attentive, and last between 15-30 minutes. In addition to your outlined talking points, your “huddle” also includes a family activity, and may be followed with a fun outing.

Why use the HUB Huddle workbook?

This workbook is designed to help parents who may feel insecure or unknowing of what to do to care for and protect their child(ren) at this time. It gives you a simple but deeply meaningful framework to attend directly and consciously create a pathway for them to be guided through. No one has to do a perfect or even complete workbook; parents will find this a resource to use as they see fit. When children experience their parents cocreating even this one intentional ‘team’ huddle, at a time of apparent divisions, you set them up for success.

How can the HUB Huddle be integrated with all there is to do?

I recommend you integrate this type of intentional and well considered meeting as one of the priorities on your to-do list at this time. Your checklist might look like:

• Timesharing Schedule/ Custody Plan
• Health Care and Taxes
• Assets/Debt Division
• Education, Religion & Medical plans
• HUB Huddle with Kids